Mariah Earp

Forever 27

                                       💜🌻Mariah’s Story🌻💜

On May 14th of this year my world suddenly came to a screeching halt…
My phone rang at 4:35 in the morning with someone on the other end yelling “she is dead”…
I calmly said “that is not possible” and immediately hung up and dialed my daughter’s cellphone number and it just rang with no answer..
Sadly there will never be an answer ever again…

I guess I should rewind this story to the very beginning..

On March 07, 1993 at about 4:30 in the morning my daughter Mariah Rachel Earp decided to make her grand entrance into this world..

She had the biggest heart for all animals..
She loved kids..
Loved music and dance..
Loved to paint..
Loved makeup and hair..
She was always so happy…
She had so many hopes and dreams..
She loved so big..

She played softball..
She did cross-country..
She participated in various clubs..
Attended all the football game nights…
She had countless friends..
She loved her High School years…

She was wanting to go to the Chicago Art Institute and she did get accepted..
We were beyond thrilled..
But when it came time to go..
Something changed in her..
I noticed a change and took her to our family doctor and Mariah was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder..

She took her medication and it seemed to help..
But by this time she had passed up Art College…
So she began working in the restaurant industry till she figured out her next steps..

Well during the figuring it out stage she met a guy and she quickly fell in love and then started her family …
She soon had 3 babies back to back…
I noticed that after the birth of her last child she seemed really sad and she even expressed how she had the blues really bad…
And needed to talk to her doctor…
And it was during this time my daughter was noticing her middle child showing so many unusual behaviors and constant crying..
That later would be diagnosed that he had Non Verbal Autism…
It was becoming harder and harder to feel like she could handle it all..

As the next few years went by she was taking her medication but it still was not helping her feel truly happy..
She always felt as if she wasn’t good enough..

Mariah and myself were very close..
You see I was a teen Mom..
I had her sister when I had barely turned 16 and had Mariah when I was 17..
So we grew up together..
Learning life lessons together..
Accomplishing things together..
Maybe that wasn’t fair to my children..
But that was the cards that were dealt..

 Soon after her two brothers came along to join our crazy life…
I always told my children that it was us forever..
And that they were each other’s best friends…
I always wanted my children to know that they could talk to me about everything..
I honestly thought we had talked about everything…
Sadly now looking back she did talk to me about everything but she would always make sure to assure me everything was okay..
And I would always believe her even though my gut told me it was not..

Mariah always seemed to feel so alone..
No matter how many times I would tell her she had me she had her siblings and she had her babies.. It still didn’t help her to believe that…

Mariah always wanted a family..
She had envisioned her life to be happily married and doted on by her husband and he would provide for her and her children…
Sadly that was far from her reality…
She was living in a nightmare..
It was her ugly secret….

It was left up to my daughter to work..
Working her doubles as a waitress to provide for her babies..
To put food on the table and to try and give them the very best she could…
And sadly she was also having to take care of her boyfriend…
And all she had wanted was to be loved..

You see she was being mentally and verbally and at times physically abused…
So all the thoughts of herself in her mind were also being told to her every single day verbally…
And she began to self medicate herself more and more with her prescriptions…

She had several friends who had overdosed and she had watched me and her father have our party life for a period of our lives that I now know affected my children..
And that is a regret that I will have to live with forever…
She also lived with a person who did anything he could get his hands on to get high….
So she knew first hand what happens when you do drugs..

But what she was doing was taking her prescriptions..
She was starting to abuse them to numb her pain..
To numb the voices in her mind…
But it was becoming apparent she was starting to need them to help her get through the day….
And something began to change in her within the last year…
Her spark was gone..
She was starting to stay out after work..
She was just ignoring what she had to deal with, with her life at home…
She just started not caring anymore…

Fast forward to the beginning of this year..

She was starting to realize that she needed out of her living arrangement…
She wanted her own place for her and her children to feel safe…
To have a real “home”…
I was starting to get alot of phone calls where she needed help…Because of the abuse…
She knew she wanted out….

When March came and due to Covid, work came to a hault and suddenly her source of income came to a halt…
She depended on working daily to just feed her children…. It was their only income…

But on the other sad reality, it was also her escape from the abuse…
To be surrounded by people who didn’t know how sad she was and how much she needed them to help her forget her pain..
Even if it was just for a few hours…

That is when the phone calls and text messages began to become a regular daily occurrence of her being on the other end sobbing that she couldn’t do this life anymore and that she didn’t know what she was gonna do…  And how she was so alone…
I would try my very best to tell her that it would all work out and I would remind her that she had us….
That she was strong and beautiful and that she could do this…
She would tell me that I just didn’t understand…
And I would tell her that I did…
But sadly I really didn’t…

You see I didn’t understand that she was trying desperately to leave..
I later found out through her phone history from things saved that she had been looking up shelters and trying to see whatever resources she could get…
Sadly with Covid everything came to a halt…

I also didn’t understand that she was abusing her medication…
And I also didn’t understand of the abuse she was enduring..
I just thought she was stressed over money..

She was just changing…
She was getting more moody..
She was getting more distant..
Me and my children are always doing group chats and group facetiming and Mariah was beginning to join us less and less…

On May 13th…
She came over and I was so happy to have her visit with me..
She even put down her phone and gave me all her attention..
She was talking about how she was going to start looking at things differently..
I could see she had her spark in her eyes again…
She looked so beautiful…
I was having a sleepover with my oldest grandson so she had dropped him off and told me she would be back in the morning…
Sadly I don’t remember if I hugged her…..

At 1:22 am I was awakened by my phone ringing. It was Mariah’s number…
But it was a Police Officer explaining that he had pulled her over and wanted to ask me some questions about my daughter..
What she took as far as prescriptions and what she took them for….
My heart sank because I envisioned that she probably had some pills in the bottom of her purse and that she didn’t have them in her proper pill case…
I explained what she had been diagnosed with several years ago and I told him what pills she had been prescribed…
But I did tell him that I couldn’t tell him the last time she went to the doctor and obtained them legally….
Why I said that I really couldn’t tell you..
But it was that moment that it dawned on me that I couldn’t remember when she had been to to see her doctor and when had gotten a prescription….
He told me he wasn’t going to tow the car for not having current stickers(again because of shutdown.. Everything was still closed)
And that if I would give permission for someone to drive it someplace to park it…
You see Mariah’s license was expired..
I found out later it had been expired for over a year….
I was under the impression that someone was there with her when she got pulled over..

I gave permission…
I found it odd that she hadn’t called me back to tell me what had happened so I called her at 2:04..
She answered and instantly I could hear that something was wrong…
Her breathing was very rapid and deep..
I asked her immediately if she was okay??
She assured me she was that she was but that she was out of breathe from walking and that it was cold…
I frantically asked what she meant by that it was cold and what did she mean walking??
I asked where was the car…
She told me that she had called several friends to see if they could come and drive her car and give her a ride home..
But sadly some didn’t answer or they couldn’t help…
And that the Officer told her to just leave the car in the parking lot and walk..
Yes to walk..
A young 27 year old young lady walk at 2 in the morning with everything shutdown because of Covid..
On top of that… To allow a 27 year old woman that was clearly under the influence of something to walk alone at 2 in the morning…

I asked her where she was and she told me she was almost at her friends house..
And that she was gonna be okay…
And assured me that she was just out of breathe because of her walk…
I could here her trying to open a door…
And I don’t know why I once again allowed myself to believe that she was okay…
I lectured her…
I told her she needed to make better choices…
And that this was ridiculous…
And that we would talk some more about this in the morning…
I hung up….

When her friend opened the door to her, he could see that her lips were blue and that she seemed messed up…
So he told her to lay down…
Well sadly that was the worst thing possible…
You see she had been given Street Xanax that night by her boyfriend..
And they were pressed….
The walk did not help..
And when she laid down she passed out…
But you see my daughter’s death might have been avoided..
She died from asphyxiation..
Due to the fentanyl..

We now know that she passed out at approximately 2:45
but 911 was not called till 3:55…
But the ugliest part of all is that “the friend” instead of calling 911 to try and get help instead called her boyfriend to tell him she was messed up and choking…
Her boyfriend then told the friend to hang on he would be on his way to go and help and not to call the police yet…
Her boyfriend then hopped on his bike and it took him 30 minutes to get there..
By then it clearly was to late…
My beautiful baby girl was gone….

When I received that phone call from her boyfriend telling me that she was dead I completely froze..
I even called 911 to try and prove it was all just a lie…
It wasn’t until the Coroner called me to come to my home to have me identify her things that it finally set in…
My daughter was dead…

I had so many questions..
Nobody seemed to tell me anything…
It was actually me rolling up my sleeves and getting every report…
Call log..
And going thru her messages to put all the pieces together of that night and sadly uncovering her life story…

Sadly now here I am today to tell you my daughter’s story..
Of her struggles…
Of her pain…
When I started going thru her phone I realized that it was as if she wanted me find everything…
And now that is what gives me the drive to stand here today to share in how her life ended…

I am beyond thankful that God allowed me to have her for 27 years…
And that she leaves behind 3 beautiful pieces of herself…
But how I still wish that I could wake up and have a second chance of a do over from the beginning..
Maybe I could have helped in changing some of her decisions…

But sadly there will be no second chances..
Now instead ever morning I wake up to the reality of never looking at my phone to see some funny meme sent to me or her just saying ” I love you Momma”….
And boy do I miss her…
How I wish she could have really known just how much I need her here with me…
This is a pain that I wish on no Mother..
But sadly this club will take any child…
It is not based on your skin color..
It is not based on what neighborhood you raised your child in..
It definitely does not care anything about you…

I have thought long and hard of how I want this story to be portrayed..
I want people to see that my daughter was just like any of your daughters…
She had hopes and dreams..
She had a family that loved her..
She had babies that loved their Mommy…
She was beautiful..
She had the biggest heart..
She was my everything…
And she mattered….

And sadly her story has now ended…
But now my mission has just started..
I ask you today to please know that you are worth it..
That your life matters..
To never allow anyone to make you feel ugly or not good enough..
To understand that what you are taking is safe and that it is not pressed..
That even just a little speck of Fentanyl can and will kill..
And to never use alone..
And to know that the people you are with, will really care enough about you that they will call to get you help…

We need to start talking about these dirty words….
FENTANYL… OPIOIDS…. OVERDOSE..
DEATH….
Because you only get one life and once your gone it’s to late to get that second chance..

But today is a new day..
And a new chance to make it the very best life that you can live…
And you are worth it..
You life truly matters…

Sincerely with all my love…
Mariah Rachel Earps Mom..
Forever 27…